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Blackpool Rox “Bites Back” issue eleven Page 7 Heat two battle of the bands; On arriving at Mardi Gras I had to wait outside for 15mins or more as the place was packed out. I entered to discover I’d missed both ‘Scandal’ and ‘The Really Schmaltzy Cabaret Boys’. I don’t know anything about Scandal, except they don’t have a very good name and the singer looks like John Denver (teenage drop-out and spokesman for a generation.) ‘The Really Schmaltzy Cabaret Boys’- used to be called the ‘Smeggo Brothers’ and have a reputation for being wild, hilarious, wacky, etc…. They use loads of keyboards and synths. Apparently one song consisted of classical music being played on keyboard whilst the singer tried to bite his own bum. Hmmmmmmmm, but is it art??? I arrived to be greeted by the sounds of “Smart Alec”. This band are appalling, being probably the worst band I’ve seen in my life. A bunch of B.C.F.’s with as much originality and individuality as a paving stone on Whiteholme Estate, as well as being about as relevant as a mouldy brontosaurus. Do you remember those awful “Hallmark” Top of the pop’s L.P.’s you used to buy from Woolies?, with some yellow ribbon and sugar baby love’? if you do then you know the sound of ‘Smart Alec’. Amongst many cover versions they did “Cheri Baby” and one even wore a rubettes hat…AAAAghghghghg!!!!! During and in-between songs they held up printed boards with such things as “Applause” and “sing-along” written on (Cringe); pass the sick bag, john (o.k, but it’s a bit full – John ). ‘Door 66’- I’d never heard before, A three piece; singer/ guitarist, bass and drums. Of the bands I saw that night I enjoyed them the most. Admitted they had little competition, but they are a good band. If you took the jam, but gave them a more manic, frustrated sound then you might come close to “Door 66” they’re certainly a band to look out for. Titles of songs can say a lot about a band, but I’m afraid I didn’t catch any…. ‘X-Directory’- play jazz rock. I suppose they do it pretty well, but I can’t stand jazz rock. What more can I say? And finally came “Boobz”. If their name doesn’t sum then up then the lead singers opening cry does; “do you wanna rock and roll”!????(yawn) . They went down well with the grey suit boys (complete with attached girlfriends). Certain members of the audience enjoyed booing and heckling at every available opportunity. They did the predictable manly stuff; “whole lotta Rosie” and other sexist crap. It was obvious who was going to win. Final result- 1st Boobz 2nd The Really Schmaltzy Cabaret Boys 3rd Door 66 After this we all went home. I wonder if the ‘Boobz’ lead singer remembered to give his chest a saucer of milk. Did you see his photo in the Gazette (oh dear)?

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