Today it’s the Rolls Court in London …… As it turned out to be it was the start of the end ….. we had a few laughs a few beers and celebratory night with 2 great punk bands The Great St Louis and Dillinger 4 ..

My Thoughts and Recollections from April 28th 2016 …

Let’s start this article with Mexboro’s erudite summary which was posted on that sometimes toxic but always entertaining digital space for BFC mentalists AVFTT

Mexboroseasider has since retired and lives a life of luxury in a place far away from TGC ….. He (or someone with his username) posted these words to AVFTT on 28/04/2016 22:21

Well if the Gazette can report then I suppose I am free to do so as well.

It was a directions hearing.

Fraser Campbell of CC for VB; Eric Shannon for the respondents.

There were essentially three issues discussed.

The first was an application to transfer to Manchester.

There was apparently little or no supporting evidence.

The Registrar thought, in view of the complexity, the matter was best dealt with in London before a judge with corporate expertise. The application was therefore adjourned with a suggestion medical evidence would be needed in support.

The second application was for a stay, on the basis there had been a stay ordered in other proceedings between some of the same parties (I believe this relates to an investment in the south stand).

Mr Shannon argued for symmetry but that didn’t really work when it materialised that the stay in the other proceedings had expired. Mr Campbell objected to anything that might delay disclosure.

There were the allegations reported in the Gazette and the suggestion of further applications by the respondents. My impression was that the Registrar wasn’t impressed. She did indeed use the expressions “put up or shut up” and “grandstanding”.

She was not inclined to order a stay.

There was then an application for a costs management hearing. Mr Shannon was concerned at the level of CC’s costs and how they might escalate. The Registrar didn’t agree with his submissions and declined the application.

I came away happy and then heard about the reports in the Mail which are, of course, entirely separate.

Now dear reader, grab a coffee, please sit back comfortably and enjoy our tongue in cheek account of the events of April 28 2016.

To enhance the experience we recommend listening to some music dear reader why not try track 3 OY-STON-ISM or track 6 Oh Tower of Blackpool off the January’s Kids album by Blackpool Band In Dire Fucking Straits . Here is a link to bandcamp and like all good things in life its free f charge to listen to …..

https://indirefuckingstraights.bandcamp.com/album/januarys-kids – Oh Tower of Blackpool , sung by 66 music by 29.

Ok so are you sitting comfortably ? – OK, then we will begin our little story of our big day in London ……

Notes from The Royal Courts of Justice, 7 Rolls Buildings, Fetter Lane, TTL, EC4A 1NL – April 28^th 2016 (14:12 – 15:14)

Present  : Clifford Chance CC x 3, Eric Shannon x 1, Associated Press x 1, Northern Oiks x 3, 1 Barrister , 1 solicitor and a bar-man

Legal Notation from the ‘unbiased’ Law Society Gazette Legend :

MLF = my learned friend ES = Eric Shannon 14:09 = British Summer Time W = wanker(s) TTL = That There London TGC = The Gold Coast CC = Clifford Chance (a small legal outfit from TTL ) NO = Northern Oiks (God’s People from TGC – that’s us btw xxx) VB = Valeri Belekon (the Budding Philologist in a Tangerine Suit) GD = Great Day COYK = Come On You Know

14:09 ES (W) is apologetic for the late filing of his skeleton arguments

14:13 ES has 2 issues – he wants a ‘stay’ (lawyer speak us NO think is for a delay I think) and seeks a transfer (to Manchester because that’s one of their happy hunting grounds, where the late Diamond Jim Rawlinson successfully hypnotized both Raggy + Afro into accepting his ‘drop-hands’ offer before they were ‘back in the room’) on the grounds of the age of one of the respondents (the one OJO) and travel difficulties.

The Registrar is having none of it but they are all being very respectful of one another. She is pretty cool for a registrar (Registrar Barber) and when she speaks she reminds me of Pauline Black from Selecter. TBH I quite fancy her but daren’t even think of saying anything to my fellow NO’s as the court clerk keeps eyeing us suspiciously as we all sit there in silence avoiding her gaze like nervous children on the first day of term in a classroom

14:12 She purrs something about £11,000,000 only being paid to the second respondent and £1,500 costs for application. I’m enjoying her delivery but then a mini-crisis ensues (OMG !! Oh FFS as I’m typing notes into my phone it’s starts playing up and suddenly talking back to me – I can’t turn the fucking thing off – every time I try to, that clever twat Siri keeps asking me if he can help ? – no you can’t, but you could just fuck off and prevent me getting ejaculated out the court-room, please stop talking Siri – he does at last -I’m so embarrassed I hope Clerk Ratchet hasn’t heard it ….)

Crisis over as my fellow NO’s can’t stop sniggering, Pauline says something about the respondents (that’s the Oystons) not putting in ‘proper evidence’ and trying to discount what CC are saying and as both leading councils are based in TTL so it’s probably best we keep proceedings down here (does that mean those working class hero solicitors Seddons who in reality are anti-working class hero solicitors as they will take the Oyston penny are on this case ?).

In terms of the point of ascertaining if an individual’s character is tarnished as a result of guilt by association, somebody should have mentioned to the court the precedent set by the regrettable incident when one of Joffrey’s mates, who happens to have a helicopter (ooooh – look at me, look at me !! W) once landed it on the pitch prior to a home game at Bloomfield Road. Said helicopter then vomited out in all his match-day finery (correction – ill-fitting suit), you guessed folks – the one it Joffrey Salmon Chops Oyston. For doubters who observed this bizarre incident it served to remove some of that that element doubt as to whether or not KOKO was a bit of an attention-seeking idiot and some zealots even suggested the reputation of Mr. Helicopter Owner also deserved a good plummeting …….. but we thought it best not to as Pauline would have scolded us with either a knowing glance or maybe if we were lucky a winning smile.

14:21 CC (the very smooth Frazer Campbell, he’s Scottish btw and doubles as the editor of The Spectator) says he (that’s him and his firm – not a proper firm like the Muckers btw) are ‘surprised and concerned’ regarding certain passages in MLF’s application re ‘private and off the record’ discussions and certain references to an ‘offer’ being made.

ES then says he agrees and will put a line through that part of the skeleton argument.  This reminds me of Simon Blackburn going public on the fact he once requested a ‘private meeting’ with BST after he had again requesting it stay private and confidential – bit odd really, but hey-ho maybe that’s how these kind of people like to roll ? W.

14:24 ES persists about the ‘stay’ and mentions that the court granted a ‘stay’ in the South and South West Stand Case (I think Gregory Peck was in that one – he played Atticus Finch). 

He mentions both parties met in TTL and chatted about reaching a resolution to this film and suddenly CC ‘do object’ in the strongest terms ! ES says talking is ‘better than litigation and going to trial in 2017’ !

What an absolute W. I wished that twat Siri was on – he could have recorded it and played it back to Andy Grice, Raggy, Steve Reed and everyone else they are trying to drag through the courts. ‘Better than litigation’ ………. that’s so rich and hilarious you W. (these are just the personal thoughts of a NO btw and nothing to do with Atticus Finch or Pauline Black). ES then says that Pauline should give them a chance for further discussions before ‘serious costs are incurred’. All the CC firm are shaking their heads, grinning and looking knowingly at each other.

14:28 ES then raises concerns about Belokon’s bank and the ‘serious charges of money laundering’. Pauline asks if he’s implying that VB might not be able to stump up enough dough or something, but ES is quite evasive ?

ES then starts suggesting there are questions as to whether or not the monies VB gave to BFC were not the ‘proceeds of crime’ or ‘money laundering’ (I think this is what’s known in the legal world as ‘mud-slinging’).

ES then purports that a £1m fine was made in March 2016 (that’s last month for anyone reading this in the future) against the CEO of one of VB’s banks. Pauline intervenes with ‘what is the materiality of this ? What impact does this have on a stay? ’ and something about making ‘vague threats’. She’s mint btw – another one of the NO’s is actually starting to find her quite attractive too. ES goes on about ‘proposed directions’ or something? – maybe he’s lost – TTL can be confusing it took me ages to find this place – I only found it because of the statue of John Wilkes

14:31 The great and the good (W) then start deliberately confusing the great unwashed (that’s us btw) by talking about petitioner’s directions, minority shareholdings. Apparently they pretty much agree on all the points (1-27) and even have the mercurial sleight of hand to make 2 days become 7 in point 24. Then we start moving on to Point 28 and the soon to become thorny issue of ‘cost management’. Pauline suggests disclosure in August (after she has played Rebellion 2016 in the Winter Gardens ideally), exchange of witness statements in November and was it ‘expert representations’ in December? We all nod in unison as hopefully that might mean we can all come back down to TTL, do some Xmas shopping and get high on a cocktail of drink and drugs.

ES then starts banging on again about the ‘value of a stay’ as it would help create a ‘break in the costs’. He also fears the emerging ‘war of correspondence’ and the ‘high hourly rates’ charged by CC. At no time does he mention anything about Les’s Corsa being recently upgraded to a bling-bling BMW. To be honest it’s a good job Afro hasn’t sent him his application for costs yet. I think he is charging by the e-mail so it will be running into millions by now.

To be fair to ES he is not letting it lie though. He mentions there is symmetry twixt a 2006 agreement re a loan ‘subject to a common understanding’ that it would turn in to a 30% shareholding but in 2008 it changed into ‘an investment’ in the development of the stands (those are things that decent people used to sit in when they went to Bloomfield Road in the olden days to support God’s favourite team – I think this Victorian concept of local people supporting their local team predates not only Oystonism but also The Premier League and even Thatcherism …. before there was ‘no longer anything such as society’). ES then shoots himself in the foot here to be honest. Frazer intervenes as smoothly as Sean Connery seducing Pussy Galore and points out to MLF, that although a stay was granted on this dispute (how many disputes are there?) ‘the stay’ expired. Pauline does her impersonation of Homer, nods and smiles demurely.

14:35 CC are worried not only that the Oystons are a bunch of xxxxx but also that they are ‘not willing to put up or shut up’. They say the O’s have made ‘wild and serious allegations’ in correspondence during the last 7 months (that’s when all this started kicking off apparently) and have deliberately ‘sat on information’ rather than relinquish it.

ES then starts talking about Mr Bakyeyev (I think that’s the gheeser who Ali Gee played in Bruno or was it Borat) from Kyrgystan – what the xxxx’s he got to do with any-thing any-way? Pauline then intones that ES is ‘inviting inferences’ and is indulging in ‘an element of grandstanding’ and if these allegations really do go to the heart of the petition then ‘please get on with it’. Good work babe!

14:41 ES then suggest disclosure is ‘an enormous task’ that would need to go all the way back to 2006. All this would be ‘a huge expense and inconvenience’ – really, well use some of the ‘blood money’ you have wrung out of supporters you xxxx. ES then starts asking for a 1 month stay – these are desperate measures – because of the costs ramping up apparently (I can see that sexy new BMW being re-possessed Leslie lad).

When the mercurial Pauline enquires as to why 1 month will make such a difference, ES goes all sheepish and says ‘there may be chance for a resolution’ – total W with a capital W in my book – maybe he should have mentioned that to all the BFC fans whose lives his paymaster is trying to xxxx up ?

14:45 Pauline delivers the knock-out line ‘but the petitioners do not have an appetite for an early resolution’. I could just tell from the way she looked wistfully at the gathering she really wanted to end the sentence with the words ‘… you xxxxxxx knob-head’, but unfortunately she didn’t. ES now indulged in a bit of counter-bounter by saying ‘he did not wish to cast aspersions’ (which if you take out the ‘not’ from that sentence is exactly what he intended to cast) the twat.

This courtroom tactic is known by ordinary people as ‘solicitor speak’ which according to the Law Society Gazette is a curious and ancient right (or if they are really self-important they call it a lawyer’s divine right) to mean / infer the exact opposite of what they say and charge you whatever they want and to double the price if you disagree, especially if you come from the working class, are a NO or one of the great unwashed. So by slyly dropping into the proceedings that ‘Mr Belokon had flown over to have a secret conversation re the South and South West stand’ he was merely observing this ancient protocol.

This caused a flurry of note passing between the CC boys, well even we know by now that you’ve got to scribble on a few post-it notes of various colours for those hourly rates of £500 plus ! CC suggested that giving them (the defendants) a 1 month stay would mean that MLF would just be ‘acting on instructions to down tools and do nothing’. ES did his best Jeremy Corbyn impression and retorted rather sagely that ‘it might not be easy to see a conclusion, but that does not mean that there isn’t one’.

Now I got a bit lost here but Pauline said something about ‘significant high value misappropriation’ and ES said the £11,000,000 went to Zabaxe and not ‘the one OJO’. This raised a few eyebrows and caused a few knowing glances amongst those gathered herein, as someone suggested yarns were ripping and different stories were being told. Someone even mentioned Salmon Chops’ personal crusade of ‘tax evasion’ and the Lancashire Constabulary getting involved? All sounds a bit hairy to me. ES then said the petitioner (that’s VB I think) had two directors at BFC who could have access to any papers at any time.

14:51 Pauline agreed that this case probably needs a high court judge and Lord Justice Snowden was mentioned (name-dropped) for the third time – I dived to the floor to pick up the dropped name and was rewarded for taking a good catch. I don’t want to imply anything but I will. Every time LS’s name was mentioned a playful smile whisked its way across Pauline’s moist lips. Anyhow all the CC boys nodded in approval, so apparently this gheeser (who is named after a mountain near Jamesy’s house in North Wales) might be deliberating a bit further down the line.

To be fair to Miss Selecter she did say it ‘was not in her gift’ to appoint the judgey – the CC boys all knew the protocol (even the junior one sat next to me who is only chargeable at a measly £499 per hour). Ewan Mcgregor said he would write to the ‘appropriate listing officer’. To be honest I doubt he will write it he will probably delegate it to either Sick Boy or Spud.

CC said they were yet to receive preliminary information so they all agreed to 28 days for disclosure reports and an electronic questionnaire. I think the questionnaire is something they use for feedback on customer service and how Atticus Finch managed to hide in the corn field to avoid Gregory Peck in that low-flying plane or something. Then once the questionnaires are all in and the Supreme Court are happy that we are not endorsing Brexit as we British are more Jedi than scientologist , they file in 35 days. That’s June 2^nd – just before the England un-win the Euros.

Just as we thought proceedings were drawing to a close and we could all get some gear off Ewan, ES thought it appropriate to re-visit the ‘we all thought already settled matter’ of cost management. He suggested to Miss Black that she should encourage the parties to ‘settle rather than fight’ and that they should both perhaps put in some budgeted costs. Isn’t it strange that they suggest this as it one of the first times they have proceedings lodged against them – use your ‘blood money’ you massive bunch of W’s.

14:57 Even though CC and Pauline had said all directions were agreed she pulled out a big book and started to quote from it. Page 114 apparently. Something about there being a big discrepancy / variation in claims over £10,000,000. Pauline informed us that the big book is actually ‘The Practice Direction Handbook’ that she didn’t write it (the cast from Trainspotting all laughed at this – so we joined in as we all want to be part of Mother Superior’s clan) and more importantly that she ‘was not inclined to grant cost-management’.

Just before we finished she thanked Lord Justice Snowden just for being him. I revealed the name I had caught earlier and showed it my fellow NO’s, drawing a few knowing nods and I stroked it lovingly. ES then cracked a joke about ‘better to be an interesting case than an interesting condition’ – and Pauline joked about a female high court judge being referred to as Miss-Justice … oh how we all laughed.

Then almost as quickly as the Oystons can fabricate a libel case we were all out of the court room door and straight on the piss in TTL which TBH was miles better. There was only a small group of 4 of us on hand that day so we made our way over to the Three Greyhounds pub near Cambridge Circus on Greek Street just off Soho for a full debrief. It was that brief time in the Three Greyhounds spent in the company of MLF’s that I finally understood that ‘legal profession’ is actually a collective noun / secret code for a gathering of raging alcoholics. Dear God !! I thought the MSG and even BST could down a few beers but the whole fanbase was shamed into insignificance by the outstanding performances of my 3 learned friends – 6 pints per man in one hour I kid you not.

One of the 4 idiots then supped up about 6:00pm and hailed a taxi (he was apparently poured into a cab – thx Mex) …. travelled across TTL dumped his bags in a well dodgy hotel and wandered up the road with a bin liner full of t-shirts and CD’s to work the Merch stand and watch Dillinger 4 and The Great St Louis,

The gig was great, the Great St Louis covered of the Pogues’ White City, a fitting London tribute to Hogarth and what would turn out to be a big day heralding the end Oystonism … the following morning the same idiot woke up elatedly but confused to be languishing in a pool of his own vomit, but then it all flooded back to me – a GD nothing illegal your honour but pretty immoral behaviour – COYK.

It’s funny how quickly time passes by. I feel privileged and lucky that the Rolls Court case was on the same day as this one-off gig. I met some cracking BFC fans at the Rolls Court that day and some cracking people who were on tour with Dillinger Four. As Shankly and Nietzsche speak to us across the ages ‘life without football (and all that surrounds it) and music (and all that surrounds it) would be a big mistake’ – – – well it certainly applied that day to a fair few of us NO’s and even the MLF’s – it truly was a GD.

If you did manage to click the link at the top and listen to the 2 recommended songs here are the lyrics so you can learn them and sing at people ….

TRACK 3 –Oystonism SPECIAL INTRODUCTION by Owie Oyster from the BST Xmas Do in The Excelsior in December 2015 ….

This town is full of beautiful women It’s such a shame some of them go missing All objectified by Oystonism It’s time for an exorcism 1 2 3 4

This town is like an open prison Full of working class optimism The girls are full of Grimmy’s gism It’s time for an exorcism

….. And when the sun goes down The pubs are full and our heads are burning And on Judgement Day – they’re gonna close us down Golden sands and happy shoppers Evil Oystons and unfriendly coppers More murders than New York City More Class A’s than Glastonbury And when the sun goes down The pubs are full and our heads are burning And on Judgement Day – they’re gonna close us down – close us down OY – ST(O) – NISM …… OYSTONISM There’s nothing better than Blackpool people There’s nothing taller than a Blackpool steeple Just live for now and don’t regret it Because on judgement day you’re gonna get it And when the sun goes down The pubs are full and our heads are burning And on Judgement Day – they’ll try to close us down – they’ll try to close us down This town is famous for football and music Bare knuckle boxing, Rangers and Celtic It sounds so great, how do I get there ? Follow the star Jesus Christ was born there …. And when the sun goes down The pubs are full and our heads are burning And on Judgement Day – they’ll try to close us down – but we won’t back down OY – ST(O) – NISM OYSTONISM

TRACK 6 – Tower of Blackpool

Oh Tower of Blackpool when will we see your like again, that fought and tried for this club since two thousand ten and stood against them, The Oyston Bastards, and sent them homewards to think again The ground is bare now as all fans leave, makes me feel sad, over land that we’ve lost now, that we so dearly held, that stood against them, the Oyston army/bastards, and sent them homewards to think again. These days will pass now, and in the past, they must remain, but we can still rise now and be the fan base again, that stood against them, the Oyston army/bastards, and sent them homewards to think again

JSNTGM Disclaimer : Thanks for reading and or listening – in terms of full disclosure Salmon Chops was not played by David Cameron …… this has been a pro-BFC – anti-OJO production – created on TGC as part of the human experiment … and purely for the good of your soul.